1. Me!
I divorced the Ex in 2001 (finalized on February 15th, to be precise). I am currently married to mr webbis. I have 2 Lovely Children.
2. mr webbis
My husband, father of The Girl and The Boy (his children from his first marriage), a delightful individual who tries to keep me balanced and who is the behind-the-scenes mediator between the Ex and me.
3. The Ex
Someone with whom I created the 2 Lovely Children. We were married for 7.5 years, and then we weren’t. We had a better relationship before he got remarried, but it was never anything more than civil. He likes to stick to the letter of the custody agreement.
4. Gamera
The Ex’s second wife since 2004. Also divorced, but with no children of her own, she is a former Popular Girl, dance team person, heavy-makeup-wearing, terribly feminine individual who thinks the girls should be like her. This often creates conflict between her and the children. She loves Joel Osteen and has paid real money to go see him live. Twice.
5. Marge
mr webbis’ ex, whom I do not like at all and with whom I have absolutely nothing in common (except for the fact that we both have woman parts). She is much more conservative than I, is a fundamentalist evangelical, homeschooled their children until they divorced, does not believe in divorce, has the full support of mr webbis’ family (save Brother #4, hereafter known as #4) in the divorce (to the extent that mr webbis has basically been ostracized regarding family gatherings et al, although there is now only a couple of inches of ice over the relationship rather than the glacier that existed a year or so ago), and thinks mr webbis is probably going to hell. Truly. She dislikes me, hates the idea that I will be around her children, and is capable of criticizing me under the auspices of her beliefs.
6. The Pumpkin
Born in 1994, this child is a gentle, funny, intelligent, interesting, empathetic individual who has no problem setting people straight in a way that is tactful and in no way offensive (so unlike me). She is very social and very disciplined. She felt responsible from day 1 of the divorce for making sure that the Ex and I were happy….I tried to disabuse her of this idea, but I think I was only moderately successful.
7. The Monkey
Born in 1997, this child is headstrong, highly intelligent, blunt, slightly introverted, much less social than the Pumpkin, often tries too hard to be funny (succeeds about 75% of the time), and has a temper much like mine. We clash more often than the Pumpkin and I do, so I try to be aware of my tendency to be harder on her than I am on the Pumpkin. The Monkey usually exaggerates injustices perpetrated on her at the Ex’s, so her reports must be double-checked.
8. The Girl
Born in 1999, this child is also highly intelligent and feels strongly the need to be the peacemaker. She is introverted and tends to be a people-pleaser. That is all I know from my limited interaction with her, but I look forward to getting to know her.
9. The Boy
Born in 2001, this child is a wild man. Energy to burn, stubborn, outspoken, has a good command of word manipulation, tends towards sophistry, and has no fear about expressing his feelings and emotions. Again, I don’t know him well, but he amuses me from afar.
10. #4
The only one of mr webbis’ four brothers who is at all sympathetic to his choices. This may be because #4 is also divorced and is in love with a woman 24 years his junior. The family is much more sympathetic to him than to mr webbis because they LOVE Um and hated Mrs. #4.
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